Joseph H. Lepold Jr. 5/18/1942 -11/18/2006

Dad and I were talking about death once, and we came to the decision that it always comes too early. Death will always interrupt the process of life, which is something that almost always has intrinsic worth. Even if all it interrupts is one more breath, or something as simple as a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, that’s one more of whatever that won’t be had. When I think about Dad’s life, I consider the fact that none of us, no matter who, will ever have an absolutely perfect life, whatever that may be. I am certain that nearly everyone has something that they wish were different, something they could have done differently.
In contrast, when I look at my Dad’s life, I see a lot of integrity, I see completion. I see his civility, his friendliness, his kindness. I see a man who loved his pleasures honestly. He had a great sense of humor, he was definitely what is known as a ‘people-person’. He loved his dessert, his steak, his drink. He loved children, animals, and his family. He loved playing golf. It’s not easy to capture all of these years neatly, in just a few words, an entire life that seems for its over sixty years, still short by a decade at least. He could appreciate high and low art, equally as enraptured by the redneck comics as by the Westminster Symphonic Choir. At one time, he played a few piano recitals, Chopin and Gershwin accurately and expressively with his large hands. I consider that my father was the type of man that you could trust. He could be trusted with the CIA’ s field agent’s laptop computers. He was the kind of man you could lend your car to. If you were in any kind of trouble, he was someone to have on speed-dial. He could be trusted with the design of something complex, radars and missile systems. As systems go, he seemed to take complicated things in stride, I never understood why he used to say “Schlock Engineer.” Personally, I thought of any engineering as fantastically difficult and although I consider myself a quick study, I had no illusions of following his footsteps down that exclusive path.
I have always hoped that I inherited his trustworthiness as part of his legacy. I remember Laura telling me about watching a sitcom with him, one episode that featured adultery in a prominent yet somewhat casual way and it caused him to storm out of the room muttering imprecations. He found that lack of integrity distasteful, he was disgusted by dishonesty. A loss like this makes me think about legacies, his in particular, which seems to be mostly in this room right now. There are seemingly everyday things we just assume: to make a good living, to raise children successfully, to be there for your parents, to be a good spouse. These are small things we take for granted that my father saw as givens, these were what you did, what you were supposed to do. They were what he did, and they are neither small nor easy tasks. They seem less common every day.
From time to time, he would dream of self employment, these mostly involved a small business like “Hot Tub Heaven” or “Beef on ‘Wick,” maybe hanging wallpaper. He had a wide range of interests, he investigated dentistry, flying for the military, selling real-estate, accountancy. I remember a table saw in his basement workshop. He loved to garden and finished the basement, taking on even the things that most people contract out, the challenging plumbing and electric. I also seem to recall something about Tiara glassware, a few large boxes on the shelf, they were nice pieces.
There are a lot of things I’ll remember about my Dad. He taught me a lot, with the serious amount of patience that must’ve involved. He was always tireless in his support of whatever we were involved in. He taught me baseball, frisbee, chess and even coached my soccer team one season.
I think about what sticks in my mind, and what made the most impression on him. Aside from the previously mentioned Choir, there were two other things he was impressed by: the Nuclear-powered aircraft carrier U.S.S. Nimitz, and Yosemite National Park. That small list never really grew, I liked that. I am sure we all have our own top three impressive things.
The last time I saw dad in the hospital, I told him that I was lucky to have him as a father and I was thankful that he was my dad. I am glad I had a chance to tell him that. I am going to miss him a lot, my world is forever less than it was.

20 Year HS Reunion

Man, the time does fly. If I were to look back, I would say that at the time, I would’ve expected to be a major operatic superstar by now, jetting all over the place, recording, performing. I think its a testament to the magnitude of the dream that I haven’t been able to make that happen. Honestly that is a huge and difficult goal to attain, I consider it on par with being a professional athelete. Many are called and precious few are chosen.

If I must settle for a consolation prize, I will say that it is good to have learned how to love myself, to love life, and to love my spouse. I think there are people who have big opera careers that haven’t learned these necessary things. Regardless of what I do to pay the bills (not that difficult) I will still be happy and enjoy life, here in the greatest city in the world. Although it appears that I don’t have much to show, the intangibles are securely in place. My existence is lean, spartan and very efficient, but I feel rich. I enjoy Laura’s company tremendously, I have health insurance, we eat pretty well. I think if things had turned out differently, i would expect to have a different set of joys, but also a different set of problems. Eventually I will generate some kind of life’s work, but I am not in a hurry and I make no more promises. Verdi wrote the masterpiece Falstaff when he was eighty years old, don’t count me out. It’s all good.

Work Ethic

I am currently trying to resolve a serious disconnect between the work I put into something and the results it generates…whenever I work hard at something, I never seem to get the results I expect. Obviously if I work less, then I get the comfort of failing for obvious reasons. Yet, to work hard and not succeed due to other reasons, then the moral high ground is nothing more than cold comfort. Some insight is to be gained from the idea of “full-stop” work, where if I look at it as a week’s work= 1 check and then you start fresh next week. That perspective seems to help. In instances where there are a lot of metrics involved like RPMH, I seem to do well. Call volume/calls resolved, that sort of thing, very clear-cut. Yet, a healthy margin dictates controlled labor costs, so even in those instances, labor still gets shortchanged as they end up paying for themselves many times over. Yet, labor assumes little responsibility for bottom-line profit and loss, uses little intelligence and incurs no market risk. Most likely, I need to see the dayjob as a means to an end, a source of capital, the jailer handing me the keys to my cell a little at a time. Increasing my wage means to become increasingly specialized, which requires expensive training. Nothing at this point seems to interest me enough to start down its road. In the end I think its a control issue, I need to put my efforts and intelligence into something I have greater control over. This is a large problem that will take some time to straighten out.

Corporate Relocation

Today they moved my desk to the dumpster, although they are calling it a “Satellite Campus”. I have to admit that they didn’t do the best job of cleaning it out, and I have had to tidy up a bit. On the plus side, they did get rid of the rats, so for that I am grateful.
They ran out a power cable, phone and network cables, so I still have my computer and I have a cheap standing lamp. On the positive side, the phone is still ringing, I am still getting email and I actually have more room for my files. Hey, my pay is still the same, so I don’t really care.
On the negative side, people don’t come by to chat as much and all my stuff still prints inside the main building. People passing by throw their garbage in, so the first day was pretty rough. Now I keep the lid down. I am trying to stay positive and see this as a challenge, I have never run away before. I am not sure if I should put my little nameplate up next to the sliding panel or not, and am really thinking the outside could use a little rust-oleum and a new coat of paint. A little feng-shui would probably help. Maybe it’s getting about time for me to seek new opportunities, but this is still better than my last job, which had us use our own candles for lighting due to ‘budget constraints.’ Oh no, what is that beeping sound? Whoa, I gotta g #)($#)%($TJEGKSFJG

3 More Impressive Things

Three More Impressive Things:

1) Successful Open Heart Transplant Surgery

2) The Ocean

3) Placido Domingo singing Puccini, Leoncavallo, or Giordano

Thanks Dad!

3 Impressive Things

Three Impressive Things:

1) The Aircraft Carrier U.S.S. Nimitz

2) Yosemite National Park

3) Westminster Symphonic Choir singing the Beethoven 9th

At Home

As normal, I feel like I am thinking about 3 different things, multithreading between them like a computer. When I do that, I feel like I make little progress and I can’t seem to focus on just one thing to write about. Sometimes it seems appropriate because there is very seldom just one thing going on in the world.

I was glad to talk to my Dad tonight, now there is a guy who I have to say didn’t really miss out on anything. Aside from a rough patch when I was in High School, we seem to get along pretty well. I always enjoy seeing him when I get a chance, not as often as I like. We had a pretty good time with my whole opera singing endeavors. I wish my grandfather got to hear more of that too, he was a serious Pavarotti fan.

Maybe I am guilty of paying too much attention to myself, but I can sort of see myself here at home, just having some quiet time with the cats, checking email, eating some dinner. I am not practicing, not working on the book, I am just relaxing a bit. I feel a little shortchanged, like I haven’t spent enough time in my life just chilling out. I am short on chill-out time. I also have to admit that my physical and mental disposition these days lends itself to chilling.

I spoke with another Martial Artist yesterday, in my same style who went back to it after a long hiatus. (What is it about banking that is attracting the fighters? There are at least 4 serious ones in my department alone!) I have the impression that I would be welcome to resume study with him (Rob) and Grandmaster Kim, but I didn’t press the issue. As a studio, he is not open to the public, its invitation only, very serious and very traditional. I will not go unless I am sure I’d be there every day, I would owe it to myself to be that committed and resume the trek to black belt to the exclusion of everything else. I just don’t feel the time is quite right yet. Besides, I am not going to try and ‘fix’ my life until I am happy with it the way it is. I don’t have to do anything but live, breathe, work a bit, and pay some taxes, and that seems plenty to me right now.