21 Days no coffee!

Today is day 22, so I can have coffee. I am jonesing for that Grande Americano.

It’s not coffee that is bad, its the habit. I’ve actually felt better without it, but I want to reward myself for going so long. I was told that 21 days without [substance of choice] breaks any habit, so I did it. It was good that I never really drank lots of it, I usually had one or two a day. My new rule is that I won’t drink it every day, it is not really good for me. I think what I like about it is the scent of it, the heat and the sugar, the caffeine is just an added bonus. It tastes good to me, and I like coffee ice cream, coffee yogurt too, but I can see how other people wouldn’t like it. Bodega and diner coffee are usually much better than Starbucks, but I really get a craving for it occasionally. It’s good for studying too.

19 Days without coffee

Today is day 19 without coffee, and I have had no alcohol aside from a few sips here and there- literally just a few sips of my wife’s drink. It’s turning out great, I’ve discovered that my system doesn’t really process alcohol or coffee that well, my body just doesn’t seem to like it. Either one doesn’t really give me much energy, it’s probably ok once in a while but not everyday. As of Monday I will have gone over 21 days, which is apparently enough to break the habit. Obviously, stronger substances may take longer to really break, but if I can go 21 I can give it up whenever. I have had the occasional chai, but I do not find that to be habit forming.

I have begun the Bel Sogno recording sessions, and was promptly disappointed. I was very excited and over-energizing the sound, not re-setting the body for each phrase, so there was nothing worth burning to CD. Yet it wasn’t a total loss, because I know what went wrong and it was still a good reality check. I will take a lesson this coming week and try again next weekend or so, and just try to knock out two tunes instead of four.

Goals & Enlightenment

I have known for a long time that if I was an enlightened person, anything I’d be doing would just be what I was doing. If I am performing some task, some activity with completely right mindfulness, it doesn’t really matter what the activity is. I am a little concerned with this issue because it is something I need to work on, to be at once committed to the ‘practice’ of doing all things mindfully, yet not fettered by attachment to it or to its outcome. The outcome of any goal doesn’t change the fundamental nature of who I am, mostly I look at goals as a way to pass the time. I do have some economic constraints, so I am concerned with resolving them in order to be able to control my time. It would be nice to just be able to focus completely on attaining enlightenment, but I am starting to realize that it can happen by using the everyday, by letting the world be my teacher as well as the Sutras. Honestly I don’t necessarily have much of a choice. It is possible to reduce the cost of living to a negligible number, yet, I think the other direction is better because it yields more options, plus, there is the issue of health insurance, etc.

Lately I have been exploring the notion of ‘grasp lightly’, but technically there should be no grasping at all in the strictest practice. Yet, to balance this, I see my practice as coming to fruition after worldly concerns have been handled. I believe that way there are fewer distractions and more resources and time available to train. The delay is acceptable.

From Dictatorship to Democracy

http://www.aeinstein.org/organizations/org/FDTD.pdf

Pass it on, important reading. The principles apply to any struggle for a higher degree of political self-determination. I think that in some situations like World War 2, non-violence would not have worked against the Nazis, that was full-out war, very much state versus state. Afghanistan, Vietnam, these are also situations where a heavily armed aggressor nation completely takes out another country’s military, putting things in a state of attrition. I think the author here has the Indian struggle against the British in mind, and the model can be translated to any people versus a Dictator. This approach may have further testing in the African dictatorships, and definitely worked in the Civil Rights struggle of the Sixties. I see another struggle coming here, and it is class warfare. I see a lot of literature coming out that supports a perspective of subtle class warfare here, a definite economy of the corporations wielding the whip hand. A fundamental change in our culture will be required, immediate and somewhat extreme.

School Has Begun

School has begun and is going well, it is going to take some effort, like all good things. I have to allow time to deal with resources not being available, to the extent where it actually takes quite a bit longer than I expect to get things done.

Recording sessions have been postponed for health issues, but I hope to resume progress on that today.

9/11- I am at a point in my life where things are about me handling my business, to look at things on a wider scale, a wider scope, is something that I don’t have the time or resources for. Public, political life is something for the wealthy on both sides of the aisle to do. I strongly believe that a lot of people like to talk about this and that, and they vote, and they have their opinions, but the way to create real change is tougher. Nothing really happens until serious resources of money, time and manpower are set in motion, and all the people saying this should be that way, and this or that person should be in charge, it all amounts to exactly business as usual. For me, the way to create change is to become very successful, then pick a problem, (1 at a time, please) and start throwing time and money at it. The people in power are the same people in power as before and will be in the future. It will be business as usual until the people begin to make different choices, and frankly, this requires a higher level of education than what is commonly found. I hate to call it like it is, but the average person, the honest, hardworking, Godfearing Salt of the Earth will be firmly under control of the elite until their knowledge increases and their consciousness is raised. As long as there is TV, beer, cheeseburgers and the lottery, there will be no revolution. More on this later.

Situation normal

I am still working out my money Karma, making some progress with it. I had a second interview with a highly-sought after employer who shall remain unnamed, it was both reassuring and motivating. I was glad to be on the short list. Classes started with my tough one- my Tuesday nighter is going to take some work to get through, that is good. It seems to put my face directly into the aspects of librarianship that are completely unknown to me so far. I am definitely going to have to pick up some of the supplemental texts. Yet, it’s fascinating, so that makes it easy to do the work.

I haven’t been able to work on the voice for several days, I dusted it off today and got it cranked back up in preparation to record next weekend, it should be fine.

A friend of mine is going through a rough patch, I am going to make some extra effort to be there for him. He just needs to get really clear about what he wants out of life, what future he has in mind for himself, yet isn’t that something that we all need to do. Whatever is chosen by any of us, we must take the good with the bad. For me, (for example) I am very aware of all the consequences of choosing the ChildFree lifestyle. I get all of the good and all of the bad aspects of that choice, and it was the correct one for me because the good far, far outweighs the bad and I will never regret it. I actually thank (All Powers that Be) for the fact that it is only the two of us.

To be honest, the things that drove that decision are clarity about who I am and what I am capable of. In High School, up until maybe Junior Year, we all like to have the idea that we can do anything- we can be opera stars, astronauts, multiplatinum rock stars, doctors, lawyers, the next Big Thing. The process of adulthood is going: THIS, but not that. THAT, but not this at several critical junctures in our lives. Eventually it becomes clear that one is not going to be a rockstar, or best-selling author, or astronaut, or fighter pilot, Olympic Skier, rapper or movie star, etc. As I have said in other places, Parenthood is one of those choices. Personally, I do not have the capacity. I am selfish, I am startlingly self-absorbed, (my ego is still very intact unfortunately) I am a little bit (creatively) lazy. I am very comfortable hanging out by myself in our quiet apartment playing piano, blogging, singing, doing Sudoku or working on TGAN. I am a little bit depressive too and manage my money VERY closely. Taking care of a screaming kid(s) is not part of this equation, even factoring in ALL the good parts. I have known this for many years. I have cats, I am really happy with that. Honestly. Don’t test me on it, I can defend my position and argue for hours without covering the same ground, just trust me on this. If you are a parent, God bless and God speed, more power to you. May the kids be happy and successful and care for you when you are old.  The ironic part is that I really love my friends’ kids and my neices and nephew too. They do pretty well around Christmas.

In other news, my exploration of Buddhism is going very well- I am completely stoked with what I have read so far and plan to deepen my practice further. I have gone about 5 days without coffee, still holding up well. I am trying to go over 21 days, but when I hit it, I don’t think I will splurge. I will probably have one or two good Americanos, but truth be told, I actually feel pretty good. NO headaches or withdrawal of significance.

The Moment

I am thinking there’s a moment that happens for some lucky people, where they get a glimpse of something transcendant and powerful, something extraordinary. It seems well known, where these glimpses come from, maybe a museum, library, opera house, concert hall or church. Sometimes a really dedicated teacher illuminates something in a class. Sometimes a friend clues you in. When this happens, it is like a switch thrown in the brain. Someone sees the Olympics, or a moon landing, Space shuttle taking off. Maybe they see the Circle Jerks, Black Flag or Placido Domingo. Then, they go Aha! That is it, thats what I’ve been looking for- and an engineer is born, or opera singer, or athelete or even a good punk rock band. Likewise for any other branch of significant human endeavor. We all know by now where rich and successful people come from, the politicos, doctors, lawyers, businessmen, even the generals. I think that there are three things that can happen after this moment- they commit to learning and doing that thing, they start doing it and they can’t be stopped by anything short of an act of God. The other two things are bad- they want to do it and decide they can’t or just plain won’t due to lack of willpower or resources. The third thing is that they see it and try to do it, but are discouraged by a family member or ‘friend’.

 

There is a lot more to life than TV, cigarettes and beer. I think it may be a far sadder situation to think that the moment never happened for some of these people than that it did but was not followed through. Something discouraging I used to see in these neighborhoods is that in real close proximity you have a Pawnshop, A bodega selling lotto tickets or a 7-11, a Liquor store, and a gunshop. Across the street is usually a Christian Church. Sometimes a strip club nearby. All you need is a funeral home on the next block and you have a complete novella waiting to happen or something on the 11:00 news. Who is on that zoning board? No sign of a library or community center, even a Wal-Mart would be better. Yikes. I never thought of it as a ‘those people’ problem, I think its deeper and more systematic. Makes me sad and want to fix it, but I got my own karma to work out now.

 

D.  Wrote:

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By “these people”, I mean those impoversihed, un (or under) employed folks who live for their TV, cigarettes and beer. What is commonly known as white trash (WT for short) although race doesn’t play into it. These are people who work in low paying jobs, living in apartments that are really just rooms rented out in single family homes, driving polluting, dirty little cars, smoking cigarettes, getting drunk on the worst, cheapest beer and proclaiming loudly how tough they are. They generally listen to either country or rap music and think the end all and be all of human existence is drinking, smoking and fucking.  
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