Transcending

I think I am ready to let go of my need for meaning. This is not to say that my entire frame of perception goes with it,  it’s just that I am ready to have my consciousness, my mind essentially free from any artificial construct. There is still function, there is still awareness and protocols, (no sitting in my own waste like Pirsig) the trick is to let go of my attachment to them. In this regard, my goals take on a new perspective: the things I do are merely just for their own sake. It boils down to just the spending of time, just having fun and enjoying whatever it is am doing, and focusing my complete attention on it. With this higher degree of detachment, I am finding that I am out of my own way, not over-thinking, not stressing or suffering with any vagaries of outcome. I am starting to become at peace with the way things actually are, and its starting to yield some insights that I can’t really express in words. There is a complete absence of Drama in my life for one thing, I am not creating anything extra or making any assumptions. It’s working so far, and I feel I am headed in the right direction.

Finishing up the singing

Of course the last part of the distance seems the toughest- the end of singing is near, not to be dramatic. I think when I actually get into the studio, I will feel better about it, and I have a lesson scheduled for Sunday, so hopefully that will improve things a bit. But for now, I am completely sick and tired of all things Opera and by extension all things music. I am just burned out on it and ready to leave it behind. There is no more growth to be had from it at all and its long past time to move on. School is going well, we are just about out of debt, ski season is coming. Singing has been a real burden to me since I started to retrain and a lot of the joy is just gone out of it. There are many other things I find much more rewarding and they have gotten short shrift over my life, it will be good to invest time and energy into those things and I may get something out of it instead of pouring energy into the black hole of singing. I don’t think I even want to spend any time grieving for it, I just want to make a completely fresh start. In 2009 I will probably never even ever talk about it anymore and will probably deny ever having done it, I will be free of it.

Current

Everything is going well, I am happy and grateful. I would have to say unequivocally that I would not trade my life with anyone’s right now. School is going well, I am about to pick up some more work hours and I am going to the gym. The Bel Sogno recording is going slow, but I have a lesson on Sunday, so hopefully that will give me some needed momentum. I expect to be debt-free by January or very close to it, my credit is getting better and I should close my first property deal in March. That’s it for now.