It seems to be far easier to go through possessions and figure out what to get rid of than to take stock of mental inventory and figure out what to get rid of. I think if I feel that I should be somewhere different, under different conditions, with a different number in the bankbook, this is not helpful. I am deeply grateful for what is, I accept myself where I am and I am happy. It seems some sort of reflex, to want more, to need some concrete thing outside of ourselves as confirmation of our worth, with all the attendant drama of that mindset. I will be mindful of the ultimate goal and strive for that. I am just in the right position for what I am about to do, an ideal candidate to study the way and embark upon it. It occurs to me that I have very few distractions. When the bucketlist is done, I can really intensify my practice, then I will be able to block out huge chunks of time and devote them solely to practice without distraction. Of course, at some point I may be able to unify my practice with my life, then everything I do should be practice, taking me further along the path. If I can do that, I think things will go faster, though I don’t think I should put a timeframe on that. Its been hard for me to hear that I have stressed myself out unnecessarily with arbitrary timeframes, but I believe it to be true. I will be patient and allow myself to get where I am going in my own time. That’s the thing I like the most about Buddhism- if I don’t get it done in this life, I can just come back. ;- )
